What would happen if you felt free?

In order to write what's true, you have to know what you want. That's my theory, anyway.

Until I stood in front of this window, I had forgotten my long-held dream of standing in front of a window just like this. (Corfu, 2023)

My latest novel ANIMAL INSTINCT is about a woman rediscovering her desire in midlife — it’s been called a best book of the year by NPR, Oprah Daily, and more. You can order it here. And hey, if you do get a copy, DM me your receipt and I’ll comp you a paid subscription to this very newsletter, Writing on the Verge (this gives you access to alllll the archives, which otherwise get paywalled after a month) ✨✨✨✨✨

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Like all of the most daring and dauntless people on Earth, by which I mean freelancers who have neglected to pay their taxes quarterly, I celebrated the year’s end by doing some accounting. Not the creative/spiritual/resolutiony kind, just plain old money accounting. And I was forced to ask myself some real English-major questions, such as, Amy, why did you think you could afford so much totally optional and truly-non-tax-deductible travel? and Amy, dear, why did you take a month off of paid work to attend a writing residency and noodle around on a novel draft? and Amy, my darling, you do understand how credit card interest works, right?

The more I interrogated myself, however, the clearer it became to me why I conducted my 2023 in the way that I did. I really hadn’t been able to articulate it while it was happening, as is so often the case with life. Quick backstory: As some of you may know (I’ve written about it some in various places), I got divorced riiiiiigght before the pandemic (well the actual divorce of it takes some time but what’s relevant here is that I moved out into my own place in February of 2020, so… you get it).

Getting divorced is terrible, even if you’re choosing it, and generally what immediately proceeded it was not much fun either. And soon as my personal life’s dust had settled, there was a global pandemic that you may have heard about. While I got used to being a divorced mom supporting myself in an expensive city, I had some small adventures, mostly of the romantic variety (they’re free! and easy to fit in to a busy schedule!). Then I lost my full-time job in company-wide layoffs, and started freelancing.

Now on one hand, it’s all sort of a nightmare, especially if you’re a person who is into things like “financial stability” and “planning for the future.” But on the other hand, I suddenly found myself in a position I had actually never experienced before, which is to say, I had a lot of freedom.